r a i n & s k y

I was flipping through radio stations the other day, when a song title that a DJ was prattling on about caught my attention.

“After the break we’ll have Beyonce’s ‘If I Were A Boy’, so keep listening to 93.7 B94…”

And damn if I didn’t end up liking it.

Top 40 Radio lyrics follow, so maybe don’t

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home

If you were a boy, what would you be like?
I have a feeling if I were a boy, I’d still be my older brother’s doppelganger. I’d be about 187 cm tall. I’d be a skinny, gangly, tanned¹ creature, with light brown uncut for years hair that would make people go “JESUS! - get a haircut, boy!”². Maybe I would have blue eyes like my brother? ³

I would be a video game addict, with a passion for frisbee, fishing, and hackey sack. I would have a knack for carpentry and using my hands, and I’d probably work on cars in my spare time. I’d make all the same stupid mistakes my brother made, and be the same little hellraiser he was, and come home in a cop car as many times as he did.

I would probably be great with kids and fall in love with the girl next door⁴. I would probably have a hilarious, meatheaded sidekick who was a worse influence on good kids than I was, and we would remain friends for lifetime⁵. I would probably be even flakier than I am now; never around when work needed to be done.

My love life would be pretty balanced. I would meet girls at work and hang out with them all the time, but never really get too emotional in words; hugs and kisses maybe, but not words. I wouldn’t be a playa, whispering “I love you”, just to get a phone number. I wouldn’t be too clingy or too cold. I would be able to keep relationships going for quite a long time, even while maintaining my hobbies and working overtime.⁶

Idiocy Explained:

1. Most Polish men have skin that tans well. This is just from my observations, but my grandfather, father, and brother all tan -and get really dark, too- while myself, my grandmother, and my great-aunt all burn. [↩]
2. My brother had this Jesus-hair for YEARS. Never cut it. Dad always complained about it. Now he cuts his hair and Dad has the Jesus-hair XD [↩]
3. That’s one of the few differences about our physical appearances, aside from those based on gender. He has blue eyes, and I have grey ones. When I was younger, mine were blue like his. [↩]
4. just like my brother [↩]
5. just like my brother and his stupid best friend, who I would like to beat in the head with a blunt, heavy object sometimes [↩]
6. I guess you could say I’ve always thought my brother was the coolest guy ever…except when he won’t take the trash out or eats my lunch. …jackass Though, if I were a boy, I probably wouldn’t think he was that cool, ’cause he’d definitely get in fist fights with me over certain food items. Though I’d have no doubt that I’d be just like him. I’ve always been just like him, even when I’m trying desperately not to be like him. [↩]